They came to this world
Without a voice
so I fight for their lives
for I have no choice
But this endless war
It tires me fast
I do not know
how long I'll last
Determined, obsessed,
so full of rage
Locked up, restrained
by life's cruel cage
This unwanted burden that
I shoulder every day
It drives me to madness
in every single way
To my very limits
I'm forced to bend
Hoping, praying for this
nightmare to end
(Special thanks to Saru Singhal for inspiring me to write my first poem)
First poem? because this one is really good Dark knight. Simple yet conveying the inner turmoils in an intense manner. Very well attempted! Keep them coming :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Malini, glad you liked it. I think keeping it simple yet powerful did the trick. Like Bruce Lee said, "Simplicity is the key to brilliance."
DeleteWelcome to my blog, hope to see you here lots more! :-)
I like the positive note in the last verse. We all hope against hope. I can feel the pain in those words. And like Maliny said first poem??? If this is your first poem, then all I could say is write more and treat blogosphere with your brilliant writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Saru. That's quite a compliment from a super-blogger like you! Glad you enjoyed it. I followed your tip - I just stuck with my usual simple prose writing style and made it rhyme where needed and .... viola!! :-)
DeleteSince you know me better than most of my readers, you're probably able to see the hidden, deeper meanings behind these words. Thanks again for inspiring me.
LOL! My mantra of writing poems is very simple - write few lines and make it rhyme, unless I am writing for a bigger purpose. Please leave those adjectives. I am just a blogger.
DeleteAnd yes, I could almost feel the pain in those words. Thanks for writing a moving piece.
And your first effort is so very intense! Glad that you wrote this.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is not only about you, it relates to many of us including me. :)
Great job.
Thanks so much Nisha. Glad you liked it and could relate to it. :)
DeleteSaru has rubbed off some magic on you, after all! A good one.
ReplyDeleteThanks Umashankar. I hope to keep the magic alive indefinitely.
Deleteomg this is brilliant...i cnt blv its yr 1st attempt....
ReplyDeleteThanks Alka, glad you liked it. Welcome to my blog, hope to see you more often! :)
DeleteI love this line
ReplyDelete" This unwanted burden that
I shoulder every day"
A poignant reflection on what draws us to care and how that caring engulfs our being till it becomes a nightmare of sorts...
Yep, well said Bhavana. Sometimes caring for someone becomes an unwanted burden but we do it anyway due to a sense of duty. Like Ra's Al Ghul said in "Batman Begins", it's that "impossible anger strangling the grief until the memory of your loved one is just poison in your veins."
DeleteGood to see you in my blog at last. Please come by more often! :)
hey this is an intelligent write ... waiting to see more ...:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Moon, glad you liked it. More to come in the future... stick around! ;-)
DeleteSEEMS LIKE THE CHARACTER IS UNWILLINGLY DOING WHAT HE IS DOING, HE WANTS TO GET RID OF TI. NICE DEPICTION
ReplyDeleteYep, he's unwillingly doing it but out of a sense of duty. Thanks for your comments.
Deleteemotional with profound feelings flowing out in words..nicely written..Hope is what makes us live so keep hoping..GOD<3U
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it, welcome to my blog!
Delete