Gawd, what a rough 14 years it’s been in the damn forest! No maids, no cooks, no servants, no conveniences of any kind… Shit, I feel worse than Robinson Crusoe! Actually, this whole thing’s Dad’s fault… he’s too much of a pussy to stand up to my step-mom so he just promises her anything and everything she asks for. And my stepmom, what a selfish, gold-digging bitch she is! She’s even willing to risk Dad dying to make sure Barath gets to be king. I should’ve told that bitch off, but no-o-o-o-o, I just had to be a goody two-shoes like my old man. Like father, like son I guess. But in a way, I almost didn’t mind going – it’s almost worth it to not have to put up with K’s constant bitching!
Luckily I was royalty so I had lots of connections so it wasn’t all bad at first. And Laks was there to help out, which is cool & all….. but damn, he’s always there! I mean, come on dude, I’m a newly married guy….I need alone-time with my woman! Now don’t get me wrong, I feel sorry for the guy & all….. his woman ditched him while mine’s still with me, but sometimes it gets to be too much! I tried to drop him hints subtly but that hotheaded dumbass only gets all mad about it. That kid’s got some major anger issues.
And speaking of Sita… boy what a complainer she is! It’s not like I forced her to come, she came on her own, so she really has no right to complain. I try to play a good husband and be nice and pretend to like her crappy cooking & all. Heck, I even ran after a golden deer like an idiot to score points with her…. only to realize later it was a decoy set up by that jealous bastard Ravan. He was always jealous that I got the girl, but man, this is low, even for that freak! Ohhh, he’s gonna have some major hell to pay!
So I decide to launch a secret attack of my own. I figured Ravan would be expecting a frontal attack from me so I planned a stealthy approach to sneak off with Sita. The sneak attack thing worked beautifully on Sugriv’s big bully brother, so why not, right?!?! I had it so well planned too, but that Sita… that bitch… she ruined the whole friggin' thing! She’s like “If you’re a real man, come and get me yourself!”. Gawd, she couldn’t have picked a worse time to throw a tantrum!! She’s obviously still holding a grudge for all those years in the forest. This just goes to show that you can never trust women! She’s really too much sometimes… I should exile her to the forest myself, just to get even.
Why did I ever get married at such a young age?!?! I should’ve played the field a lot more. I could’ve scored with so many more chicks. Heck, if my potbellied old man could do it, I could certainly do it with my bod, right?!?! But no-o-o-o-o-o, I just had to be Mister goody two-shoes! And why the hell did I do this whole Ekapatni Vrata thing?!?! I must’ve been smoking some major weed!
This whole damn avatar blows chunks. I’m tired of being a goody-goody, next time I’m gonna come back as a womanizing cowherd and just attack anything and everything with breasts!